Weeks, Days, and the looming feeling of being alone.

The past year has been nothing but an up and down roller coaster in my life. To be frank, it has not been anything extremely negative, or life altering in any way, it has just been kind of weird. I started this post out pretty heavy, so I will bring it back a notch.

its easy to be in your head too much, and its hard to remove yourself from that space. I know this all too well, and I am slowly learning to not feel as such. Why would I go out of my way to interact with people, when its such an exhausting task? I always think of this Albert Camus quote:

"Nobody realises that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal "

Sometimes I feel this explains my current life, which is something I do not want. I tend to think people find me not interesting, or maybe slightly irritating. The fact of the matter is that I am neither of those, and even more, other people's opinions should never dictate how I should feel. There is good in most people, and I believe, everyone deserves a chance to be loved, and accepted. I am almost resorting to a romantic form of thought right now, which is funny.

Listening to music alone in my room,  its a Thursday afternoon, and its fucking cold outside. Ive been listening to a band called Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin. This song called"Anna Lee" is great, and has short lyrics. 

my favorite line: "If you were me/ Would you grab for all the good things that you see?"

In fact, maybe I would. 

 I miss my dog, Mabel. Im going to get her name tattooed on me for the second time, large as hell.

love,

E

 

 Recently I have been really in to listening to a band called HOOD.

From Leeds, they blend a king of indie/ post-rock sound with sampled beats and glitchy effects, along with actual recorded studio drums and whatnot. Somewhere along the lines of trip hop but with weird fuzzed out pedal tones and great guitar work. the song " S.E. Rain Patterns", a 9 minute and 45 second song, with about at 2 minute ambient intro before guitar comes in is A beautiful song which makes me personally feel i am slowly drowning. They do great work setting a tone for not only the song, but whatever EP or album it is present on. Another song, "I held her in my arms", is short and sweet. Its sound is grimy and quick, and ends before you know it. This brings me to my favorite song they have ever made. It is pretty simple, and sample heavy (from what i could tell). The title is "For a moment, Lost". There have been many times in the past few years i come to this song when i am not feeling okay, and want to be alone. I dont mean to make this depressing or some kind of weird diary entry, its just the fact that this song evokes a wild emotion inside me i would not otherwise feel listening to most other things. Its strange. I guess my point in talking about this band is that its unlike anything ive ever heard, and connects with me on a deeper level than most music does. They even inspire me to make similar sounding music, because i believe this is the type of sound ive looked to make the whole time ive personally made music. I get in a rut all the time when making and recording tracks, but always come back to HOOD for inspiration. My dear friend albert is a huge inpiration on me as well when it comes to music, art, and many other aspects of my life. we both strongly connect over the music HOOD has created and in turn have probably made us more open minded and better musicians in each others eyes. such a strange thing music does to people, positive or negative. I could never imagine not being able to hear anything, or going deaf in my mid life.